Eczema

 

 

Bella was covered in bleeding sores and looked really disturbed when I first met her. I always feel shocked when I see a small child in such a state, and humbled at the courage of the parent for bringing them for help, since I think that first step of opening the family door to an outside perception can be the hardest. Bella cowered in the corner like a hurt animal and was extremely defensive. She needed the gentlest approach, and even looking at her was too much at times. I just kept to the far wall and was silently present, allowing her to move around the room and interact with her mother.

 

After 3 sessions the acceptance was starting to pay off, and not only could I do some cranio with her through touching the body, but the eczma had already significantly diminished. Bella had a strong need to exert her boundaries, and whenever I made the slightest false move I was verbally or physically admonished by her. I took this very seriously, and with time she learnt to trust my good intentions and to negotiate her space. This gave her a sense of safety that she hadn’t had with either parent up to that point, despite their good intentions.

 

 

Her mother, Rachel was unknowlingly extremely overbearing and heavy for her child energetically, and even i struggled to negotiate the therapeutic relationship with the child whilst the mother was present. Yet as we persisted with Bella, Rachel also started to notice her own influence more.

However Rachel was extremely courageous and open and came for some sessions for herself to address her own issues with her child and start to learn how to separate her feelings and needs from those of her daughter.

 

There was much progress and also many setbacks in Bella’s skin condition and black moods of rage.

Eventually Rachel confessed that her husband had been diagnosed as bipolar, and this made sense of the ceiling we seemed to have reached in the work with Bella’s eczma. Although Rachel had learnt to feel and respect Bella’s space -eczma is usually a boundary issue and the skin gets inflamed maybe as a symptom of emotional irritation that can’t be resolved -  she was clearly not managing to set those boundaries with her father. So no matter how much support and empathetic connection she received from her mother, the issue would be likely to improve but never to resolve fully. If her father also began to heal himself and learn to deal with his emotions without inflicting them on the children directly, then Bella might have the chance to recover completely. Yet it can take people a long time to open to looking at themselves, and in the meantime

Rachel had made huge progress towards changing herself and the family environment to a supportive enough place in which her children can develop, even if not ideal. The changes Rachel made were really impressive and touching to witness.